We take communication for granted. Why not? After all, we have been communicating since birth (actually before birth – just ask any mother who has been kicked from the inside out)! Our gut tells us that communication is not rocket science; in its simplest form, one person transmits a message to another person . . . Voila, communication!
True, something has been communicated, but did the recipient “get” the message that we thought we sent? Odds are as likely no as yes, because the so-called “simplest form” of communication is not simple. Human nature is amok.
Both sender and recipient of a message have their own cognitive filters, such as past experiences, knowledge, beliefs, moods, emotions, attitudes, personal agendas, etc. Consequently, the intended message is inevitably filtered at both ends of the process. Further taxing the message is a plethora of “noises” along the way, including without limitation:
• Native language / jargon / semantics;
• Relative complexity of the message content;
• Chosen medium of communication (e.g., face-to-face, handwritten, text, e-mail);
• Environmental noise (e.g., vehicles moving, birds chirping, others talking, etc.);
• Physiological limitations (e.g., impaired hearing or sight, low IQ);
• Errors of syntax (poor sentence construction, bad grammar and punctuation);
• Cultural differences (stereotypes that lead to misunderstanding; other cultural subtleties);
• Lack of trust in (or dishonesty of) the source; and
• Poor listening skills.
No wonder there are miscommunications! – So many that jokes and tales germinate.
There is the British schoolboy tale about a general who sent a message to his command center via a succession of soldiers – “Send reinforcements, we are going to advance.“ However, the message that arrived at headquarters was, “Send three-and-four pence, we’re going to a dance.“ Backup troops never arrived.
How about the classic joke about a frantic ship captain repeating, “Mayday! Mayday! We are sinking!” . . . only to have the German Coastguard reply, “Yes? What are you thinking about?”
Unfortunately, the errors get personal. My knees have gotten skinned.
As a teenager, I was prone to sing at the top of my lungs: “She’s got electric boobs . . . My mom has two!” Until I was pulled aside and rebuked for the error of my ways . . . The actual lyrics: “She’s got electric boots . . . a mohair suit.” (Elton John’s hit “BENNY AND THE JETS”)
While dating during our college years, my future bride asked me if I really wanted a jacket like hers for my birthday. She was referring to a particular style of Greek jacket, which featured a student’s given fraternity or sorority crest on it. But I thought she was referring to her lavender, lacey jacket, which was a bit feminine for my tastes. I said abruptly, “No!” She responded with tears welling up in her eyes, “Why not? I’ve already ordered it.” Her feelings were hurt. I figured out the miscommunication during the next few moments, in time to score the correct jacket but not fast enough to spare her painful feelings.
I recently asked a restaurant waitperson for a club sandwich, “but cut the tomatoes.” He asked, “What’s the difference?” Seems he did not understand that I meant leave the tomatoes off of my sandwich. To him, cut tomatoes and sliced tomatoes taste the same.
You might conclude that I have learned nothing over the years. No, the fact is that effective communication must be practiced. We never master the craft. Still we should chase the elusive pinnacles of clarity and resonance.
Invest in some bandages, though, as there will be more bloodied knees!
© 2012 Russ Riddle. All rights reserved.
